The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
