my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
