It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I got inside last night via doggy door
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
