hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
is wine microwaveable?
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I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
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You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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