It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
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Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
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We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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