I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
