Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
