Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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