dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
