no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
