his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
