The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
