I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
