i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
