His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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