I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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