She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
