He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
