Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
