Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
