I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
BRING THE BAGELS
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
