I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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