Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
high people should be assigned attendants
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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