he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
