She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize