I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
