You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
