i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
