how can u be prego again
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
