Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
