I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
