16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
