I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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