Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
