We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
my poor anus
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
