My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
