people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
