Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I would fuck him just for his dog
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
