tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize