you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize