DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
