why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
