I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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