So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
