I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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