Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
