hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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