I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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