i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
