I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
