The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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