Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
