im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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