the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
