Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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