chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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