I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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