I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
