You're completely useless in the revolution.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
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I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
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We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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