so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
