Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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