Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
