the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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