Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
