just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Say something about gay babies.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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