There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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