my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
