and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
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at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
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His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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